


Back then

by EroEmo



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Canon Related, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Knights - Freeform, M/M, Medieval, Pining, Slow Burn, Tags will be updated, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, hidekane, shuuneki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4179747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EroEmo/pseuds/EroEmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" ‘Do you see this baby in my arms?’ Shuu nodded. ‘It is my son. You will be a first knight and that means you must be like an older brother to him. (...) You have to care about him, protect him and support him. This is what being a first knight means. Do you understand now?’<br/>‘Hmm… Yes! Yes, I do!’ "</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning

There was a place upon the hill where nothing have ever grown. As there was nothing to eat, living creatures also weren’t showing up too often in that area. This place looked as if someone burned a huge hole in the heart of the thick forest. There was nothing but dry soil and rocks.  
And, on the one of those bigger stones, something was sitting lonely.  
Its sobbing torn the dead silence apart.

* * *

 

Today is an elevated day for a kingdom as the long-awaited prince has finally come to this world. Medics said the boy is healthy and there is no need to worry about him for now. This made king’s and queen’s day even more brighter and happier.  
The crowd cheered and almost went wild when the monarch had confirmed the news. Yes, he has a firstborn. An outright successor of this land and his crown.

‘Today is a great day for me and my family. I hope it is also good for you, my dearest people’ after this statement the king came back to the inside while people were still laughing, screaming and happily crying outside. He was awaited by one of his most loyal adviser.

‘Your Majesty’ said the servant and then bowed down. Then both men went down the almost obscure corridor. ‘I came to give you a report of my mission.’

‘Thank you for your hard work, Renji’ said the ruler while smiling. ‘Have you found a right candidate, then?’

‘Yes, your Majesty. I think I have found a perfect one’ the passage ended and they stopped before entering the room.

'Is that so? Who is he?’

‘It is the oldest son of sir Mirumo, my lord. I collected a data and I must say his skills are promising as well as his ability to study and learn. Moreover, he is from aristocratic and influential family which means he can make a good association with powerful houses what is important in a current situation.’

'I am glad you are my advisor, Renji. You never disappoint me’ the old king smiled again and made a step forward as the guardians had opened massive doors.

‘Thank you, my lord’ the advisor said while following his ruler into the light.

It was a specious throne room. A plain floor was made from a pure white marble as well as six columns – three for each side of the passage - which carried a white vault. One wall was completely covered with scarlet, silver and gold arrases which showed the most significant moments in the kingdom’s history while the opposite one was almost made of windows in heavy iron frames. The almost-fluffy red carpet lead straight to the massive throne from black marble and to the smaller one made from a regular marble.  
The monarch and his advisor weren’t alone in this room though. Someone was standing next to the arras showing a victory upon a central kingdom. The person seemed to not notice the king but spoke before he even opened his mouth:

‘Congratulation on your firstborn, my lord.’

‘Ah, thank you Mirumo’ said the ruler, approaching his guest who was looking at fighting knights. Those from homeland were made from a gold strand and their opponents – from silver one. ‘Good job with this one, don’t you think?’

‘Yes, I agree’ said the noble, still staring at the decoration. ‘Warriors could show more emotions though.’

‘You may be right in this one’ the king slowly nodded while stroking his chin. ‘But I guess you did not come just to talk about arrases, did you?’

The man didn’t respond immediately as if he tried to pick right words. He answered after a short while:

‘Sir Yomo has come to my house and told me about your Majesty’s plans towards my family. I came here to clarify some things as not everything was clear enough. However…’

‘Yes?’ eyes of the king and the noble met.

‘It is an honor to me and my family to serve you this way, your Majesty. I will be glad to give you my firstborn as a first knight, my lord’ said the aristocrat and kneeled before his ruler. The old monarch put his hand on the patrician’s shoulder to let him know he can stand up.

‘I am really content with your consent, sir Mirumo. It is important to both the royal and the Tsukiyama family and I ensure you that your son will be treated as if he was my own child’

‘Thank you, your Majesty’ the man bowed and kissed a royal ring.

Suddenly, a small boy walked out from behind the columns. He seemed really tiny compared to the magnitude of the room but he was bravely approaching men. When he stood up next to Mirumo his identity was obvious.

‘Youl highness!’ started boy proudly ‘my name is Tsukiyama Shuu and I will be glad to be youl knight!’ he stated with a bit trembling voice.

‘What a nice young noble’ said the king calmly, smiling vibrantly to the boy. ‘Tell me, little Shuu, how old are you?’

‘I-I am—‘

'I am sorry, my lord. He is four and still has a lot things to learn’ stated Mirumo while his son seemed to be upset and ashamed of himself.

‘That’s good! It means he will not be bored once he moved here’ the ruler smiled again. A worried face of young Tsukiyama brighten up a bit. ‘You had told me you have some questions so let’s talk about them. Renji’ the king turned to his advisor who remained silent till this moment, ‘take the boy and show him a castle. I think there are lots of places he needs to know.’

‘Yes, your Majesty’ after these words he reached the kid and told him to follow.

After two minutes the monarch and the aristocrat were alone in the throne room. They were discussing many different ideas – some of them maybe should never be heard outside that room.  
Meanwhile, sir Renji was showing a huge castle to that four years old who seemed to be really… scared. He probably didn’t even know what was his role in this whole situation. Talking about moving out, being king’s servant and knight and stuff… It’s definitely too much for such a young kid. But, unfortunately, the advisor knew there is no other options. Shuu was the best among the others and the fact he was so young made him even a more proper candidate.

‘Shuu, do you know what it means to be the first knight?’ he asked calmly, squatting in front of the confused boy.

‘Well… I know it is impoltant!’ he answered timidly.

‘Yes, you are right. It is important. And you know why?’ the young noble shook his head. ‘I will show you, come on. Let’s go to that room over there’ sir Renji stood up and went straight to the massive but well-decorated wooden doors while little aristocrat was following him.  
He knocked and came into the room. It was a simple but specious bedroom - now full of servants. They were helping a dark haired woman who was lying in the bed. She was holding a baby.

‘Ah, sir Renji! Good afternoon’ the woman smiled weakly. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘My lady’ the man bowed and boy did the same, ‘I came here to explain something to this young noble. He will be a first knight.’

‘Oh, is that so…’ she looked steadily at a bit embarrassed boy and after a few minutes her tired face brighten up. ‘Come here. What is your name?’

‘Ts-Tsukiyama Shuu, youl Majesty’ said boy timidly while approaching the queen.

‘Do you see this baby in my arms?’ Shuu nodded. ‘It is my son. You will be a first knight and that means you must be like an older brother to him.’

‘O-oldel blothel?’ he asked quietly while looking shyly at the tiny prince.

‘Yes. You have to care about him, protect him and support him. This is what being a first knight means. Do you understand now?’

‘Hmm… Yes! Yes, I do!’

‘That’s good, little Shuu’ the queen smiled again and then looked at her newborn son. ‘I think I’ll name him Ken.’

‘It is nice name, youl Higness’ boy stated really quietly and queen couldn’t help giggling under her nose. Even Renji smiled a bit.

‘Let’s go, Shuu. We still have many places to see’ after these words the advisor left the bedroom and the boy nervously bowed to the queen and followed the man.

The winter sun was slowly going down, making sky more and more red as if it wanted to make its own arras for royal family and their newborn.


	2. Prologos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes they hid away from peoples’ eyes in the huge library or sneaked out of a castle to the colorful garden with the great amount of effused trees and bushes. They laid under the branches, laughing and playing or peacefully reading books.  
> It was something what bonded them even tighter – stories about witches, fairies, dragons, monsters but also about pirates, warriors and travelers. Adventures, mysteries and riddles were something what they loved the most"

Scared birds had flown away a long before those heavy steps were breaking dry branches. Even the smallest plants seemed to be frightened as no sound could be heard.  
Only this unpleasant snap all over again.

The walking creature was tired, even exhausted. But it was still moving forward, further and further into the woods.

Into a complete darkness.

Loneliness.

Silence.

* * *

 

The royal boy was growing like a weed and no one could believe he had been already five. And, as many of his peers, he was a very lively and curious child. The little prince usually spent his time around the castle trying to help his parents in this childish-adorable way or playing with his toys in his bedroom. The library was his favorite place, though. He seemed to be really interested in different kinds of books and even if he didn’t know many words, he almost always was able to find someone who could read for him. It was usually his own father, sir Renji or Shuu.

Yes, Shuu also was growing rapidly as well as his natural fighting skills. He had started a special training almost a year ago and he was already better than many among his small group. Everyone could clearly say he has a chance to be the best knight since the War… Ah… That’s right. It’s been a very long time since the kingdom had seen so much potential in such a small body.

Surprisingly, Shuu wasn’t only talented in the combat but also showed a great ability to learn. The best among king’s tutors were teaching this young noble as well as the prince. It was beneficial for both boys’ intellectual development and additionally it was a good way for them to make their bond stronger.  
Little Ken had many questions – about the castle and world outside it, people and their trivial things – and young Tsukiyama seemed to be very patient as he tried to find an answer for each one of them.  He treated the prince as his younger brother – precious and innocent - while Ken perceived Shuu as someone who could do everything and who knew everything, he was almost his role model despite being only four years older.

They often spent their free time together, talking about both silly and a bit more serious stuff. Sometimes they hid away from peoples’ eyes in the huge library or sneaked out of a castle to the colorful garden with the great amount of effused trees and bushes. They laid under the branches, laughing and playing or peacefully reading books.  
It was something what bonded them even tighter – stories about witches, fairies, dragons, monsters but also about pirates, warriors and travelers. Adventures, mysteries and riddles were something what they loved the most and it was also a topic they could spend hours talking about. For that moment the story about Jason was by far their favorite. It was a history of a great knight who lead an army of the kingdom to the victory in the War but then mysteriously disappeared and no one had seen him since that glorious day.

‘What do you think?’ asked little prince as usual when Shuu was reading this story. ‘What happened to him?’

‘I don’t know’ the older boy responded. ‘He was really powerful so I guess he couldn’t die. Maybe…’

‘Maybe what?’

‘Hmm… Maybe he retired?’ said the noble jokingly but the prince took him seriously.

‘Really!? So knights can retire?’

‘Nah, I don’t think so.  They either die in a battle or mysteriously disappear. That’s how legends are born!’ Shuu smiled to Ken sitting on his laps. ‘ I want to be like them, you know.’

‘I do! And you will!’ the prince seemed to be very sure about this so his knight couldn’t resist giggling. ‘You will be even more powerful than Jason!’

‘Ha ha, I don’t think so! I mean, it would be great, but…’

‘There is no _but_!’ the little boy opposed. ‘You will be great! You _are_ great! You know many things a-and are good at fighting a-and, and…!’

Shuu put his finger on Ken’s lips to make him quiet. The prince’s effort to make him feel better and the passion which he spoke with literally made his day; It’s impossible to be pessimistic when such a faithful boy is encouraging you, right?

‘Okay, I get it. Thank you, my little prince’ the older boy grinned and then both of them started to read the book again. Acutally, only Tsukiyama was reading while Ken was listening carefully. He didn’t want to omit his favorite parts of that well-known story.

 

There are two classes of knights.

The first one is called ‘regular’ or ‘common’ as those warriors don’t have any special skills. They train hard to achieve their goals which are usually connected with serving in the king’s army or somewhere near the castle. The castle is a heart of the kingdom, the place where everyone can feel save and wanted – no one is pushed away or depreciated. Many boys want to be a knight but the training is harsh and only half of them can do this.

The second class is an elite. You can’t just train and hope to be between those knights; they don’t have a choice because they’re born with special combat skills which make them so precious and moreover – rare. No one exactly knows when they started to show up but they are for sure one of the most powerful warriors; there are hardly any famous and legendary heroes who weren’t born in this elite. It’s also quite easy to recognize them as they’re born with black eyes and red irises. A few days later those creepy eyes usually disappear but when in danger, they show up again; children quickly learn how to control this.

That second class knights are born warriors and there are barely a few ‘regular’ people who can fight against them and survive or – what’s even less possible – to win against them.

A famous knight Jason belonged to the second class.

And so did Shuu, the first knight.

Many people seemed to be envious of his skills and intelligence but they were also afraid of him; the second class of knights is both loved and hated, respected and still a bit tremendous. Many among regular knights and even citizens call them 'monsters' or 'freaks'.  
Shuu wasn’t an exception, however he had got used to it as his family and the king were supporting him since the very beginning.  Also little prince was very helpful in this case as he seemed to not be afraid of those eyes as they belonged to his idol, his older almost-brother. Then, how he could be scared of them?

‘You’re weird, you know?’ said Tsukiyama quietly, messing prince’s hair a bit.

They were hiding from servants between bookshelves somewhere in the library. The dust from shelves and covers was dancing peacefully in the air while vernal light had made it shine. It looked like thousands of tiny stars, trapped in between heavy volumes.

‘I’m not weird!’ replied younger boy with an upset expression. ‘I’m just saying what I think.’

‘That’s good but still – it’s uncommon.’

‘But those eyes are not scary! People are strange by thinking this way!’ Kens’ cheeks turned red a bit but Shuu got used to it – that meant the boy was either excited or happy about something. ‘Show them again!’

‘There is no need to’ the young knight refused and he saw well-trained puppy eyes as a response.

‘Pleeeeeeeeaseeeeeeee’ the five years old begged. ‘Please, it will be the last time! I promise!’

‘Eh… Fine, you won’ Tsukiyama sighed and showed those black eyes of him. They changed back to normal after two blinks. ‘ Are you happy now?’

‘Yes! Thank you!’ the boy smiled and hugged his knight.

Someone could say their relation was too close or that there should be a typical master-servant reserve but no one really minded it. Both sir Renji and royal parents agreed it will probably be better this way – they could be sure that the first knight will know the prince very well and it could resulted in being more loyal and protective towards him. That was the most significant thing for them as Ken was their only child and the only successor of the throne.  
However, boys weren’t thinking about such things…. At least not yet. They were spending their free time in the library, messing around while being as carefree as only children could be; If people were able to shine, their glow would be much more beautiful than this from the dust floating around them.

Meanwhile, someone else’s light had been blown out…

Peacefully and quietly…

Without any notice…

The queen died.


	3. The addition of Sophocles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "‘Do you think I’m weird?’ asked Ken timidly, sitting next to the knight. (...)  
> ‘No, why do you ask?’  
> ‘Because I was watching new candidates today and they got along pretty well even if they hadn’t known each other before. I… I think I won’t be able to do such thing.’"

‘Hey, how are you?’ asked Tsukiyama, sitting next to the prince who had been reading a book. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘I’m fine, really’ the boy replied while stroking his chin and smiling weakly to his knight.

Both of them knew it was a lie but none of them was willing to destroy this illusion.  
All in all, the anniversary was in three days and even if it had been almost a year since that tragic day, the prince still reminded quiet and reserved. Shuu was probably the only one who could speak openly with him but even he wasn’t able to bring happiness back to royal boy’s life.

The first knight wasn’t surprised at all because he also missed the queen but it was another kind of loss.  He couldn’t even imagine what Ken had been feeling when sir Renji had told them about that tragedy back then, when they had been finally found in the library. It literally broke prince’s heart, he had stopped eating and speaking for a week if not longer, Shuu also had seen him crying a few times. It was really painful for him as he had promised something to the queen many years ago and then, when the little royal boy had been sobbing under his bed, he wasn’t able to support him as much as he should be able to.

And now, when screaming and shouting was over, he still was feeling not good enough as Ken didn’t stop locking himself in his bedroom or hiding from people. It seemed like he tried to run away from pain, from every single thing which could make him think about his mother.  
The arrival of sir Renji brought Shuu back to earth.

‘Sorry for interrupting you, my lord, but your father is calling you.’

The prince stood up in complete silence and went straight on the throne room, living the adviser and the first knight alone.

‘I should be going. I need to train or something’ said Tsukiyama, ready to get out of that room. He didn’t really mind sir Renji but painful thoughts had appeared in his mind and hard training was the best way to get rid of them.

‘Wait a second’ said man calmly, approaching the knight. ‘Can we talk a bit?’

‘About what?’ asked boy suspiciously.

‘About the prince. He’s isolating himself from everyone and even if we all understand why he’s like that, it has to stop’ he remained quiet for a moment as if he wanted to give Shuu time to think a bit about his words. ‘He won’t listen to anyone in the castle and the king is too busy to spend enough time with him, unfortunately.’

‘And let me guess – as his knight it’s my duty to get him out of this mourning but listen, it’s not as easy as you think it is. I have already tried many times and he still doesn’t want to talk about it much nor stop thinking about his mother’s death. I’m not a warlock’ said the boy a bit harshly as it was, in his opinion, his biggest failure – sir Renji didn’t have to reminded him about it, especially a few days before the anniversary.

‘No one is blaming you or saying you failed as a first knight’ that wasn’t the response the young noble had expected. ‘I’m only asking you to try again. The prince is still very young and in such situation he needs a strong support, someone who he can rely on. You’re, in fact, the only friend he has and I have no doubt you want him to be happy, too’ after those words the advisor left the room, living Shuu completely alone.

 

The ceremony was finally over and guests slowly started to go home – only the king and his closest people were still there, looking at queen’s grave. Some servants were crying but most of them looked like empty shells – so did little Ken, staring blankly at the flowers on mother’s tomb.  After few minutes he went somewhere for a walk and no one really minded it yet Shuu kept his eyes on him.   
Everyone eventually headed back to the castle, except the prince and his knight; Tsukiyama was worried about the younger boy so he followed him till the giant old oak where little Ken had found a secluded place to sit and cry.

‘Hey, don’t make such a face’ said Shuu while sitting next to the prince. ‘There is no need for you to cry, you know?’ the sobbing boy remained quiet as if he hadn’t heard those words. ‘Ken… Please, say something’ but there was no response.

They were sitting in silence for a good while. The sun was shining shyly from behind the heavy cloud, the grass was swooshing, leaves on the tree were rustling and somewhere far away the song of little bird could be heard. And then, in the middle of nature’s concert, the weak voice sounded:

‘Why do people die? Why they can’t live forever?’

‘Well,’ started Shuu hesitantly, ‘it’s because it’d cause much problems. It sounds great but in reality you’re aging and your body is weaker and weaker and… It will be painful to live in such body, don’t you think?’

‘But it’s not fair!’ the boy shivered from the anger. ‘Why do people age? Why do they die? No one deserves that! I don’t want it! I want everything as it used to be, I want mom back! I-‘

‘Shh, it’s okay, come here’ said Tsukiyama warmly, hugging little boy. ‘I know you miss her but let me tell you one thing – do you think she would be glad seeing you in such state?’

‘What do you mean?’ the prince asked while sniffing.

‘I mean she would be… sad seeing you _this_ sad’ the knight told him calmly, ruffling his dark hair a bit. ‘Do you want her to worried about you?’

‘No!’ the prince replied right away.

‘Stop running away, then.’

‘But…’

‘But what?’ the older boy asked calmly yet firmly.

Ken hesitated a bit but eventually answered the question:

‘I’m scared. I don’t want to see people dying or hear about them dying. It makes me angry and sad because I can’t do anything!’

That surprised Shuu a bit as he didn’t know that six-years-old kid from this side. Though… He knew this pain of not being able to help the most significant people in your life, to help them avoid the suffering.

‘Now you can’t but, trust me, you will learn how to help others’ words left his mouth before he had even noticed.

‘How do you know this?’ the boy asked  a bit suspiciously.

‘Because I am your knight and you are my prince. I protect you and you protect the people. That’s how world works. Get it?’

‘…Not really.’

‘Eh…’ Tsukiyama sighed. ‘Let’s say I’m older than you so I must be right. Have I been ever wrong or lied to you?’

‘No.’

‘See? Everything will be fine, I promise!’ the older boy smiled. ‘But you also must promise me something – you need to stop worry about things you can’t change and start to live to make your mom proud of you, okay?’

‘…Okay’ little Ken sniffed for the last time and hugged his knight very tightly as if he was scared he would go away just like his mother. ‘…Shuu?’

‘Yes?’

‘I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to be alone.’

The prince surprised the young noble second time during their short conversation.

‘…I promise you I’ll always be by your side, no matter what’ he said confidently, squatting in front of the little prince to look him in the eyes. ‘I will never ever leave you.’

Crying boy nodded, hugging the older boy again.

He still was feeling lonely, he still struggled to not screaming about his loss but at least he learnt something new – that he would eventually become strong enough to protect everyone he loved; This thought strengthened him.

Time was slowly passing by, boys were growing older but none of them dared to forget their promises. The prince was slowly learning how to fight and give orders while the first knight was becoming stronger and stronger in order to fulfill his promise given to a specific woman many, many years ago.  
He would never ever failed again.

 

As everyone wanted prince to be safe he and his knight had adjoining bedrooms. They were situated in the end of the corridor in the northern part of the castle so it was quite secluded location – boys knew this and often took advantage of that.

They could be pretty loud in the night, read books in the light of the candles or simply talk. Visits in the middle of the night weren’t uncommon, too – when little prince had nightmares or just couldn’t sleep it was much easier to go to the Shuu’s bedroom and ask for a help or advise than looking for sir Renji or someone else.  
And even now, when Tsukiyama was already fourteen and Ken - almost ten, it was still practiced by them; maybe it was less frequently than it used to but the prince really liked to spend his evenings with the first knight as he could clearly feel he was not alone. The older boy didn’t mind those visits as he really cared about Ken and he was worried about his well-being; he couldn’t help much with this ‘isolating’ thing but he tried his best to help with other problems.

‘Do you think I’m weird?’ asked Ken timidly, sitting next to the knight. It was quite late as stars could be easily seen in the sky but it wasn’t a big deal, at least for Shuu who always went sleep late.

‘No, why do you ask?’

‘Because I was watching new candidates today and they got along pretty well even if they hadn’t known each other before. I… I think I won’t be able to do such thing.’

‘That doesn’t mean you are weird, you know?’ the teenager said calmly with a warm smile. ‘You just spend most of your free time reading books, that’s all.’

‘So I should stop doing this?’

‘No, it’s not what I meant. How to say it… You should just try to go out, I think. You can meet someone new and make friends with them.’

‘That’s how you are doing it?’ asked prince quietly, looking at his knight with sleepy eyes.

‘Yeah. And, as you can see, I have some friends here and there so it can’t too hard, right?’

‘Mhm…’ Ken yawned and leaned back on his knight’s shoulder. ‘I will try it, then.’

‘I highly recommend it to you but now – go and rest, it’s late already’ the prince was not listening him, though, as he had already fallen asleep. Tsukiyama just smiled to himself and carried his sleeping master to his bedroom.

The next day was really sunny and warm, what was a bit unlike for an October but no one actually complained. The weather seemed perfect for a walk, a picnic or a training. After morning classes with one of the tutors the young prince went straight on the yard where the practice of novices took place. He didn’t really have any idea how to start a conversation nor how to stop being so shy but all of his worries were unnecessary as someone bumped into him as soon as he walked out of the corner.

‘Oh my god I’m so sorry, are you alright!?’ said the new voice nervously. It belonged to the young boy who seemed to be in the same age as Ken.

‘I’m fine, really’ the prince replied calmly while flicking the dust from his clothes. ‘And you?’

‘Ahh, that’s a relief! And I’m okay’ answered the boy quickly, smiling a bit awkwardly. ‘I haven’t seen you here before. What’s your name?’

The prince wasn’t sure about responding as the whole situation could become more complicated; he remained silent.

‘Hey, you don’t need to be shy!’ said that boy cheerfully. ‘My name is Nagachika but everyone calls me Hide.’

‘Hide… It’s nice.’

‘Thanks!’ Hide smiled again. ‘So? What’s yours?’

‘I’m Ken.’ The royal boy answered after a moment of hesitation and grabbed Hide’s hand. ‘My name is Ken.’


	4. The slow progress of prelude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You mean Hide? Everything is fine, I suppose’ the prince replied with a small smile on his face. ‘We are going to spend some time together on Sunday and I’m looking forward to it!’  
> ‘You really consider him a really good friend, don’t you?’ say Shuu calmly but a tiny bitter tinge could be heard.  
> ‘I do. He’s my best friend or at least I think of him as such’

The sun was hiding itself behind the fluffy white clouds, showing only from time to time to make fighting swords shining. From the other hand, the chill breeze seemed to be playing with messy hair mischievously as if making youngsters blind for a few seconds belonged to its most cherished hobbies.  
No one complained, though; boys in the square remained focused on their task… or at least tried to look like this. Many of them would highly appreciate staying  in bed for a bit longer but their dreams couldn’t be achieved without any effort. In other words everyone was exercising without a single complaint even though their arms and legs were often screaming for help.

And among those fighting boys Hide could be easily found what was a real relief to the prince; He wished he stay unnoticed but most of novices had already known his face. Ken was of course aware of his status and the impact it had on candidates but in the end his voice was still trembling and cheeks blushing when he had to speak with someone unknown to him.

‘Ah, good morning Your Majesty!’ said Hide cheerfully, seeing his master coming to him.

‘I told you to not call me like that’ a short sigh escaped from Ken’s mouth but he couldn’t resist smiling while meeting with Hide.

‘Oh! Please! Forgive me this insubordination, master!’ both of them knew he was joking but it was uneasy to the prince being observed by other boys on the square; Hide’s jokes made Ken feel even more awkward among so many foreign faces.

‘Hide…’

‘Okay… Sorry’ Nagachika’s smile was like a ray of sun and it could brighten up prince’s day whenever he was feeling sad or worried. Sometimes he couldn’t believe it has been three years since they had accidentally met…

That meeting could be described as a completely random or even crazy one. Hide had a little crisis when the tiny light showed up in his mind and he noticed he had just met the prince but all in all he snapped out of it and actually started to talk with him. Ken remained awkward and rather silent near Nagachika but he noticed he really enjoyed his companion. There was something new and refreshing in talks with him and the way he moved and spoke captivated something in little Ken’s mind. To sum up, they were meeting with each other more and more often and now they could be even considered as best friends… to the other boys’ envy, unfortunately.

Hide didn’t mind those eyes full of jealousy, though. He could bet he would probably react similar way to such situation on their place so until someone tried to physically hurt him he wouldn’t do anything more than trying to be in friendly relations with them. That sounded like a good plan to him, at least for that moment and circumstances.  
On the other hand, Ken had no idea about his friend’s feelings or thoughts, though he was aware many people will do literally anything to be as close to him as Nagachika was. Nevertheless, Hide didn’t know about prince’s struggles about being a successor of a throne, about the mother loss…

None of them wanted to make the other one unnecessarily sad or worried even though they called each other friends.

‘So… How are you doing?’ asked Ken quietly, pretending to be watching other boys’ training as well.

‘I’m fine, thanks for asking, though I should be the one asking this question’

‘What are you even talking about?’

‘You know and do not try to fool me’ stated Nagachika firmly, digging his training sword in the ground. ‘How are things doing since… you know…’

‘Oh, you’re talking about _this_ … Things are okay, I guess. I mean, my father and Mr. Yomo don’t talk about _that_ so things must be fine, I suppose’

‘Is that so, huh…’

The prince stayed with Hide for a while but eventually headed to the garden. His mind was quite absent and he found it difficult to concentrate on important issues so the only thing he could do in such condition was probably peacefully sneak out to a secluded place.

 

‘Ah, here you are!’ said Tsukiyama quickly approaching the prince. ‘I was looking for you the whole morning!’

‘Oh, really?’ a royal boy seemed to be a bit concerned about this information. ‘Has something serious happened?’

‘What? No’ his face brighten while looking at confused younger boy. ‘I have just missed you’

‘Oh, is that so…’ royal cheeks flushed and first knight couldn’t resist to laugh about it.

‘Yes, morning practice is boring without you and your funny remarks!’ the teenager said and sat next to the prince, chill wind playing with his a bit long and messy hair. ‘What are you reading by the way?’

‘It’s an adventure book! About pirates and mermaids!’ enthusiasm in his voice seemed enormous but who could be surprised about it as novels were one of his favorite topics to talk about?

‘Is that so… Seems interesting!’ a sparkle showed up in those amethyst eyes of him. ‘Could I borrow it later?’

‘You will definitely like it’ to the first knight prince’s smile was too dreamlike,  too innocent to belong to almost thirteen years old boy.

But, to be honest, it was one of many things he liked about him. They were really close to each other and now, when Shuu was already seventeen, he could clearly see that Ken seemed to be quite different comparing to the other princes and princesses…

The head of Tsukiyama’s family cared about relations with others noble families as well as he did about their own traditions. Shuu was obligated to learn at least one foreign language of their ancestors and stay in touch even with his far relatives. Such pressure made his young life uneasy and stressful but he managed to balanced his roles in the end. During those few years he was able to met some high classed nobles as well as far royals of Ken and he couldn’t get rid of an impression that each one of those people was… greedy. Proud. Ready to do anything to get what they wanted. It was a shock for, then fourteen years old, Shuu but he proceed to be an obedient firstborn of Tsukiyama family.

‘I hope so! I mean, we have similar taste in books, after all’

‘I know and that’s why I’m so sure about this’ the prince smiled shyly. ‘How is your training going, by the way? Don’t you have some lessons with Mr. Nishiki now?’

‘Probably I do but I hate this guy’ his mouth twitched in an involuntary grimace. ‘He’s yelling at me for no reason and sometimes I feel a strong urge to punch him right in the face’

‘Shuu!’ the prince gasped what caused a tiny smirk on the knight’s face.

‘What? I’m just saying how I feel!’ his slender fingers started to mess a bit with black hair. ‘Chill, my little prince. I won’t do anything even thought I would love to sometimes’

Ken sighed while closing his book, laying under a young willow. Tsukiyama joined him and a warm smile settled on his face. A mischievous wind was playing with leaves as well as boys’ hairs. It seemed quite bothersome for Shuu as his hair was pretty long but he didn’t complain. Even when he barely could see a thing through a mess before his eyes.

‘Have you ever thought about cutting it?’ Ken asked, trying to not laugh.

‘I have but I don’t really have time for it now’ he sighed, twirling some of his hair. ‘I wish it could grow slower, really… Oh, by the way’ his mood changed rapidly as if he remembered something important. ‘Mr. Yomo was looking for you as well. He said if I found you first, I had to tell you to go see the king’

‘M-My father? What he wants from me?’

‘No clue’ Shuu shrugged, ‘but I guess it’s rather important so if I were you I’d go to see him as soon as possible’

‘What about you?’ Ken asked, quickly standing up. ‘What’s with your lessons with Mr. Nishiki?’

‘He will yell at me either way so there is no point in hurrying’ Tsukiyama stated and smiled proudly as if messing with his tutor’s temper was one of his most enjoyable distractions.

The prince only rolled his eyes in a response and headed straight to the throne room where his father was probably awaiting for him.

While slowly walking he was wondering about the cause. What his father wanted from him? Was it something important? Ah, he bet it was – the king won’t called him in person if it was a trivial thing, he had a whole kingdom on his head, after all… What could it be, then?

Ken didn’t even notice when he had approached the massive door. Servants opened them and bright light blinded him for a moment. He walked into the spacious room and saw a solitude person with the crown standing by the window.

‘You called me, father?’ said the prince blandly, looking timidly at the king.

‘Yes. Come here’ his voice didn’t show any emotions either. He continued to speak when Ken was standing next to him: ‘I would love to talk with you about many different things but we don’t have much time, unfortunately. Mr. Renji will come here soon with some diplomats so I am going to speak bluntly, son.’

‘Yes, father’

‘First of all I am a bit surprised about that news I have heard about you and that novice… What was his name? Hideyoshi?’

‘…Yes’ his throat dry, hands sweated. The prince wasn’t able to look at his father and he wished he could be anywhere but here.

‘Right. I will not lecture you nor congratulate you about that incident. I just wanted to let you know I was worried when I had heard what happened and I hope you know how bad it could ended for both of you’

‘Yes, of course father’ the prince responded automatically, with a tinge of guilt in his weak voice.

‘Good, then’ the king cleared his throat. ‘The next thing I wanted to discuss with you is… your future’

‘My future?’ Ken repeated uncertainly. ‘What do you mean, father?’

‘You are almost thirteen years old which means you are almost a man. As a successor of my crown and throne you still need to learn many, many things but remember this, my son: the ruler is as great as his spouse’

‘I do not think I understand…’ the king turned his face to his son and smiled warmly.

‘I think it is the time to start thinking about your marriage, my son’

‘My-‘ the huge doors opened and a few people walked into the throne room.

‘We will continue next time, my son’ the king smiled again. ‘For now, we are done. You can go’ after those words he approached men while the prince sneaked silently out of the room.

His still young mind resemble mess even when he reached his bedroom and lied on bed. A marriage? His own marriage? It sounded so surreal to him… He still perceived himself as a boy, as a kid even despite his responsibilities as a prince.

Suddenly, everything seemed blurred as if he was dreaming, though he wasn’t sure if it was a nice dream or rather a nightmare.

 

‘Hey, are you asleep?’ that well-known gentle voice asked, bed creaked. The prince had no idea how much time had passed since his talk with a father but… it didn’t matter in the end.

‘No, I’m just resting a bit’ Ken changed his position to see Shuu’s face.

‘About what, if I can ask?’ the knight looked at his master with pure curiosity in his eyes and the prince wasn’t sure what to do or say.

‘Different things, to be honest. I don’t feel like talking about it right now’

‘That’s okay’ Shuu smiled brightly, messed Ken’s hair a bit. ‘But is everything fine?’

‘I should be the one asking this question. How your lessons with Mr. Nishiki went?’

‘Please, don’t mention that man’ a grim shadow flickered through his face. ‘Let’s just say it was an average training with a grumpy non-stop yelling dag’

The prince chuckled on that description.

‘But let’s be serious for a moment. Is everything really okay?’

‘There is no need to be so worried for me, Shuu. I’m fine, really’ he stated firmly, sitting next to the older boy. ‘My father just wanted to talk with me about… about something but it’s nothing you should be concerned about’

‘If you say so…’ Tsukiyama said quietly, more to himself than to Ken. ‘On the other hand… How are things with that friend of yours going?’

‘You mean Hide? Everything is fine, I suppose’ the prince replied with a small smile on his face. ‘We are going to spend some time together on Sunday and I’m looking forward to it!’

‘You really consider him a really good friend, don’t you?’ say Shuu calmly but a tiny bitter tinge could be heard.

‘I do. He’s my best friend or at least I think of him as such’

‘Is that so…’ the knight mumbled quietly and then stood up. ‘Well, I won’t bothering you anymore, my little prince. Some things are awaiting for me so I must be going’ after those words he left the royal bedroom, leaving Ken completely alone.

The prince was sometimes wondering why his first knight was reacting to some situations the way he did and he concluded he had a few masks he wore accordingly to a situation.

One of them was for the king and servants.

One for his own father and family.

Another one for subjects and enemies.

And another one for him, the prince.

But Ken, despite being so close to him, had no idea which one of them was Shuu’s true self.


	5. The arrival of the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘I told you to hurry up’ said Hide with a bit bitter expression.  
> ‘Yes, yes, Mr. Complaint. I am really sorry that we have to sit under a tree because it’s obviously my fault that the storm has come’ the prince replied, imitating his friend’s face.  
> Both boys smiled, coming closer to each other. The rain didn’t seem to be warm, gusts resemble pure ice and none of boys wished to freeze or catch a cold.

It stopped walking for a while, looking blankly in one unspecified point. Its eyes showed nothing but void. When this all happened? When those two sparks have lost its energy and warmth?   
When…?  
The sough of the old trees made it feel even more lonely and sorrowful. It shouldn’t be like this. The future seemed to be so bright... When have it changed? When _it_ actually started to be _it_?  
When…?  
Those dead eyes started to wander from tree to tree only to be resting on a cloudy puddle a minute later. Looking at its own face resembled hurting yourself with a sharp knife over and over again. When life has gone from those eyes? When hair started to resemble half-burned hay?  
When…  
A single tear was shed by one of the voids, ruining a miserable picture in the puddle.

* * *

 

Heavy clouds didn’t bode a nice afternoon as if they tried to warn everyone to stay inside for the whole day or something unpleasant would happen. Some people obediently listened to the nature and hadn’t been sticking out their heads since the previous day but there were also people who did exactly opposite and had been walking from place to place a whole morning.  
Ken and Nagachika belonged to that second group.

‘Hide, please, slow down a bit!’ the prince said weakly, trying to reach his quick-walking friend. ‘Why do you have to walk so fast in the first place!?’

‘I don’t want to be wet and the closer we are to the castle, the more I worry about the rain’ he stated calmly, turning back to look at Ken. ‘I don’t want to loose with nature’

‘What?’

‘Eh, just hurry!’ Nagachika smiled brightly, making prince’s heart beating a bit faster. ‘I bet you don’t want to look like a drowned rat either!’

Ken sighed and quickened. Hide was right of course but his legs weren’t used to such exertion as he still had very little combat practices - wandering in the nearby forest for the whole day, climbing rocks and running without a specific reason on the meadow were exhausting for his untrained body. The friend of his seemed to feel exactly opposite - refreshed and not tired at all as if those activities were a nice way to relax after harsh trainings in the castle. Ken wished he could be as fit and casual as Hide was some day…

The world around them began to darken and after few seconds they heard a first thunder. Without any notice boys started to run. It didn’t last long, though. The prince tripped over a small rock and at the same moment the first drops fell.

In two minutes both youngsters were sitting under not so effused tree, peacefully watching a heavy storm.

‘I told you to hurry up’ said Hide with a bit bitter expression.

‘Yes, yes, Mr. Complaint. I am really sorry that we have to sit under a tree because it’s obviously my fault that the storm has come’ the prince replied, imitating his friend’s face.

Both boys smiled, coming closer to each other. The rain didn’t seem to be warm, gusts resemble pure ice and none of boys wished to freeze or catch a cold.

‘So…’ started Hide hesitantly, ‘any ideas what to do?’

‘Not really’ the royal shoulders shrugged, the silence came.

A lightning crossed the black sky, a warm hand grabbing weak arm.

‘Hide?’ Ken looked surprised at his friend. ‘Are you afraid of the storm?’

‘What? No!’ a loud thunder made Nagachika’s body shivered. ‘Okay, maybe a little bit’

‘Eh, Hide…’ the prince sighed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before? I wouldn’t insisted on staying longer in the forest, then!’

‘I haven’t seen a point in it’ he looked at Ken’s worried face. ‘It’s really fun to spend some time together outside the castle, you know? And you seemed so happy out there, among those old beeches and oaks…’ he added after a short while.

The prince had no idea how to respond to this. He indeed liked playing outside those cold walls where he talked openly with two people at most. He indeed enjoyed discovering nearby forests, villages and fields even if it could cause troubles, as his father had said to him not so long ago…  
His father… How much time had passed? A week? Maybe slightly more. Yes, he hadn’t spoke with nor see him since that day.

Suddenly, an unpleasant picture showed up before his eyes.

‘Hey, is everything okay?’ a worried voice asked, warm hand touching the cold one.

‘Hm? Yes, I’m fine’ the cold hand gently slipped out.

‘Are you sure?’ Hide asked suspiciously.

‘It’s nothing serious, really. I just remembered something and…’

‘Want to talk about it?’

The prince looked at those brown eyes of him, now full of care. They were so warm and friendly, so selfless… Was he able to trust them enough to openly talk about his worries?

‘Well… It’s complicated’ Ken answered, turning his head to look anywhere but his eyes. ‘I mean… I had a talk with my father’

‘Oh God, please don’t tell me he was talking with you about-’ Hide started nervously but his friend immediately calmed him down.

‘No, it’s not it! When I heard he wanted to see me I also thought about our previous trip and that accident but he didn’t say anything about it… He wanted to talk with me about my future’

‘Your future?’ a surprise settled on his face. ‘What does that even mean?’

‘He…’ the prince started shyly, playing with his own cold fingers. ‘I don’t exactly know what he meant but he was talking with me about my marriage’

Brown eyes filled with pure shock.

‘Wow. Just… WOW. I mean, it’s obvious you eventually get married since you are a prince and all but still… I’m surprised’

‘I know. The problem is that I…’ the boy hesitated. ‘… I don’t think I want to get married’

‘Huh? Why?’

‘I’m not sure myself but this sounds so… surreal to me. I don’t think I’m old enough or that I’m responsible enough. I just...’ a long sigh escaped from his mouth. ‘I am still a child and I have no clue how to be an adult. I do not want to be a man yet’

‘Is that so…’ Nagachika stated quietly, looking at unidentified point somewhere far away in the rain.

None of them was willing to say anything so eventually they both ended up listening the storm in silence. Even despite random acts of grabbing one’s forearm or hand, the time remain peaceful. The closeness of Hide made Ken calmer, more secure. He felt much better after saying all those things and now, when both of them didn’t dare to say a word, he was slowly becoming comfortable again as if those struggles had been envenoming him from the inside.

Thunders were roaring, lightning bolts crossing the dark horizon and rain falling enormously from the sky. The cold winter was playing with wheat on a field as well as boy’s wet hairs. It didn’t seem to be bothering them, though. It looked like they were there, under a yellow larch, but at the same time they weren’t - as if boys left a piece of their awareness in their bodies but the rest of it just had flown away - away from the storm, away from the kingdom.

‘Maybe I’m not the best advisor in such matter,’ Hide said suddenly, looking at Ken with a heartwarming smile, ‘but I am sure that you are much more responsible and mature than you think you are. I’m also sure everything will be eventually fine so don’t worry that much, Ken’

The prince thought that this smile could easily melt an iceberg or make sun shining once again. By chance, the rain eased off at the exact same moment. After few minutes it completely stopped raining and sky changed its colors - it was no longer pitch-black.

‘Thank you, Hide’ said Ken with a bright smile on his face, helping his friend to stand up. ‘For everything’

‘At your service, your majes-!’ a feet slipped, hand pulled a friend down to a ground.

‘Hide-!’ the mouth shut by foreign but also known lips.

For a second nothing special happened. Only two boys, laying on each other on wet grass. Then cheeks flushed and loud apologizing began.

 

Walking down the dark passage, Ken was wondering about the day before.   
About that storm.   
About his conversation with Hide.   
About Hide.   
About their kiss.

It was obviously an accident but the prince still couldn’t get rid of this weird feeling in his chest. He couldn’t even describe it, he only knew it was something unknown for him and now, while heading to a dancing-hall, he wasn’t able to snap out of it nor get his act together.

When he and Hide came back to castle, they separated quickly and without unnecessary words. It was quite a late afternoon so Ken isolated himself in his bedroom and left it only to eat a dinner and come back as soon as possible. He couldn’t sleep at night, still thinking about that accidental kiss, its vision was haunting him the whole next day as well.

A wooden ornate doors was opened and he walked into crowded room when a small party took place. He wasn’t even sure why his father had organized it but as a prince he had to be there, looking majestically and earnestly. It was a horrendous challenge for him and his mild social anxiety but he had no choice. It was his duty as the only son of the king.

Staying close to walls, avoiding the center of the room and bigger groups of people made him feel a bit more secure but Ken needed a company. Someone to talk to. He had only one person in mind but Shuu could be find nowhere. He really needed his first knight, not only because of his awkwardness. The prince was feeling a strong urge to share his worries, thoughts and feelings with him. Tsukiyama was older, more mature. He always knew what to say or what to do and was always willing to help him, whenever in troubles. Ken wanted to tell him about everything – even about a kiss – but he was absent since yesterday morning. ‘Family business’, Mr. Renji had replied when asked, though he assure him that Shuu will be present today’s evening. Unfortunately, thirteen years old prince still wasn’t able to find him among those foreign people.

He finally managed to see his familiar face after a long while but he wasn’t alone. The prince saw him in company of four women. Each one of them was wearing lush dress and jewelry, smiling at his first knight… What was that word? Flirty? Yes. Those were indeed flirty smiles and void giggles. Shuu didn’t seem to be bothered by them, though. He seemed quite relaxed and happy among those ladies. When his eyes saw this picture, a new feeling appeared in his chest.   
He had no intention to talk with his knight anymore.   
Ken even felt an impulse to just turn back and go elsewhere but in the same moment amethyst eyes of Shuu noticed him. He smiled at him gently but stayed with those women till the very end of the party.

 

‘Long time no see, huh. How are you doing, my little prince?’ Tsukiyama asked casually, walking into prince’s bedroom. It was pretty late already but Ken wasn’t asleep.

‘I’m fine, thanks. And you? Where have you been the whole day?’ he looked at the first knight blankly or at least try to. When he saw his face he could only think about that charming smile of him and giggling ladies at the party.

‘Family duties and stuff’ the knight replied, sitting on the bed. ‘Nothing serious, though. Some trivial but time-consuming things, unfortunately’ he sighed and looked at Ken with a bit of curiosity and surprise in his eyes.

‘Is that so’ said prince quietly, avoiding Shuu’s gaze. ‘Good that you are back’

‘Thanks’ he still was looking intensely at the younger boy. ‘My prince…’

‘Yes?’

‘Why are avoiding looking in my eyes?’

‘I’m not!’

‘Don’t lie to me, please’

Ken took a deep breath and forced himself to look at those beady eyes.

‘See? I’m not avoiding your look’ he stated firmly, slightly clenching his fists.

‘Ken, what’s wrong?’ gaze warmer, voice softer. ‘I see that you are acting strange. What happened?’

‘I’m okay, no need to worry’

‘Ken’

The prince was wondering whether his knight was so skilled at reading his emotions or he was so bad at hiding them. Either way he really wanted to tell him. He really, really did. About the talk with his father and about yesterday but something – a strange mass in his chest – was stopping him. He wasn’t able to overcome this obstacle so eventually he and Tsukiyama were looking at each other in silence for a couple of minutes.

‘Okay’ said the knight after a while, standing up. ‘I see there is no point in asking you today, you must be tired after all, so excuse me but I will be-‘

‘My dad was talking with me about a marriage’ he got a load off his mind, at least partially. ‘You are right that I’m tired but could you… Can we…’ the prince took another deep breath. ‘Could you please stay a little longer with me? I don’t feel like talking about this today but I don’t want you to go yet’

Shuu looked surprised at the beginning but now he was sitting on the prince’s bed, messing with his dark hair and smiling gently at him.

Ken was really bad at lying and not telling the whole truth was much more easier. That strange thing inside him was disappearing as he was slowly falling asleep but it was still strong enough to shut his mouth about that storm.   
Maybe it was better that way, he thought.   
Maybe it was good for both of them to not talk about that… at least for now.

With such thoughts in his mind, the young prince started dreaming.   
There was a storm. And a smile full of sun.


	6. A female element

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s responsible of you, mon petit prince” that half mocking, half amicable voice of his was almost calming. Ken was highly aware Shuu knew about his struggles and problems because they had been talking about it many times before and yet he wanted to hear him repeat those awful words. His first knight wanted to make him say I need to choose my wife and that was rude of him, at least in Ken’s opinion.

That day started quite peacefully as sun was shyly shining behind fluffy white clouds. The prince was smiling to himself, thinking about the upcoming afternoon. He didn’t really look forward to it and actually wished deep inside he could just stay in that spot on the left wing, looking at the calm landscape and feeling that warm breeze on his skin. It seemed so much more pleasurable than talking with father of his about marriage and such. Ken hated that topic. This whole idea of being tighten up to only one person was not so bad, however it would be nice to actually been in love with them. What is even that great about having a spouse about whom you know basically nothing?  
  
Well, that’s why he felt grateful for at least talking with candidates for a few times. Those were awkward meetings, indeed, but after some time he got used to them. Moreover, he met someone who seemed as repulsed about that arranged marriage as he himself.

She was the youngest amongst princesses and yet she seemed the most reasonable one. The small lady was curious about the world and wanted to learn new things and that’s why Ken became fond of her. She didn’t flirt with him, behave obnoxious in any way and was simply adorable, just like a younger sister he had never had. Even the name of the princess was cute in some way.  
  
“Your Majesty,” the low voice almost painfully brought Ken to the ground, “the King is awaiting you”  
  
“Thank you, sir Renji” he answered with noble-like tone, sighing a little bit. It was naïve of him to think he could tarry for eternity but it was always nicer to imagine impossible scenarios. It made him feel at ease, such a wishful thinking.  
  
Leaving the cozy spot and heading to the throne room, his dark irises spotted theirs violet equivalents. None of them seemed surprised, though.  
  
“Good morning, my prince” Shuu said gently, approaching his master. “Has something happened? You seem despondent”  
  
“Hi, um, well…” a single but long sight escaped from his mouth, “I don’t really want to see my father but at the same time I’m aware I have no choice”. Their eyes met again, lighter ones trying to cheer up another’s one, to pass them a spark of happiness they were now lacking.  
  
“That’s responsible of you, mon petit prince” that half mocking, half amicable voice of his was almost calming. Ken was highly aware Shuu knew about his struggles and problems because they had been talking about it many times before and yet he wanted to hear him repeat those awful words. His first knight  wanted to make him say _I need to choose my wife_ and that was rude of him, at least in Ken’s opinion.  
  
The only thing which truly bothered the prince, though, was not that twisted sense of humor. It was the fact that in spite of being nasty at times he still could not name his own feelings towards that knight. He didn’t hate him nor completely adored him, it was a strange mix of many different emotions such as envy, admiration, friendship and more. Much more. Why it was so hard to name those feels even after reading so many books? Shouldn’t it be easier in such case?  
Maybe it should. That or it’s just him overthinking. Speaking the truth – nothing new. He had been wondering about many things since his mother death and maybe his relation with Shuu was another item on that list. Ken didn’t remember putting it there, though.  
  
In no time both of them were entering the throne room, usually empty and quiet but now filled with more or less familiar faces. Those were many nobles from East and West and a few from North as well. Ken couldn’t spot a single representative from families on South but it didn’t matter to him since the room was too crowded for him already. The less aristocracy, the less gossips around the kingdom and the less stress for his weak heart.  
  
“Ah, you have finally arrived, my son” the king tilted his head to welcome Ken who was accompanied by Shuu. “Shall we begin?”  
  
“Yes father” noble-like tone, head lifted to look into old man’s eyes.  
  
Suddenly, the atmosphere inside the room became more tense. Everyone was impatiently waiting for next part of this tragedy-like play called Ken’s life, everyone looked forward for the decision he should had made half a year ago but which he delayed as much as he could. Inquisitive eyes of aristocracy looking at the prince as if his duty was to entertain them, to bring a tiny thrill into their dull and monotonous lives.  
  
“What is your decision, then?” question hanged in the air, shattering a sudden silence. No one seemed brave enough to even take a single breath.

 

“You seem devastated anyway” Hide summed up, gently patting Ken’s back. His master, crawled in such a small ball of misery and regret, didn’t look like prince at all.  
  
“You know it’s not helpful, right?” he said bitterly, trying to avoid a strong urge to hide from everyone’s sight, even from Nagachika.  
  
Each single cell of his body felt horribly anxious and relieved at the same time and it was something new to Ken, to feel such an intense mixture. Maybe his body answered to overall stress with a bit of a lateness or maybe it was a tiny explosion of hidden panic – possibilities were almost endless. One thing was clear to him for sure, though.  
He did it. He officially stated Hinami Fueguchi would become his spouse.  
  
It made nobles quite surprised since she was the youngest and the most child-like amongst all, carefully chosen by royal officials, princesses. It was nothing compared to the reaction his condition caused, though. Some of present nobles seemed shocked, a few emitted strangled gasps. Most of them, however, remained silent. They were awaiting the king’s answer.  
Surprisingly, his father took it pretty well what eased him a little bit.  
Not to mention Shuu’s companion and the calming aura he was oozing.

Soon enough every detailed was arranged. Hinami arrived a week later, both excited and scared of what was awaiting her. Completely new life in a completely new place. A bright future by her husband’s side, the only successor of the throne. It all sounded promising but she still felt so young, so small, too immature to become a worthy wife. Not to mention being made fun of by older and much more experienced women amongst the nobility.  
  
Ken could only be guessing how stressed his fiancée actually was, although he restrained himself from any comments or questions on that touchy subject. Instead, he invited her for a walk around a castle, to help with accommodating in such a big place.  
  
It was not a difficult process to her what surprised the prince but what also helped their bond become stronger. Both of them felt as if they were brother and sister than husband and wife. This whole thing with being a mature adult, a proper successor and an abject spouse… It was too much to handle. They had each other now, at least.   
There was also a first knight, of course. He didn’t omit the occasion to introduce himself when Hinami get used to moving around a few basic place in the castle.  
  
“Nice to meet you, your highness” gentle voice, warm look and half-smile bought the royal’s fiancée right in the spot. Tsukiyama looked like a typical “prince charming” and Ken had troubles to push away that assumption even though he had been knowing this man for fifteen years now.  
  
A weird feeling appeared in his chest but it was gone as soon as king’s advisor showed up to pass his father’s request.  
  
In that moment, there were things which deserved more attention than that complicated mess inside of him. After all, there was a plenty of time for that – no need to rush thing, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for, basically, everything.  
> I hope you don't mind this story being so-- poorly written? Rarely updated?  
> Probably both :')


	7. Kiss goodbye to childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you remember when we used to lay in one bed like that and read stories about legendary heroes?” Shuu asked gently, caressing Ken’s back who nodded. “Those were good times, don’t you think?”
> 
> He silently nodded again. He didn’t feel like talking at all as even breathing seemed troublesome.
> 
> “Good times when there was no need to worry about future, when we could be truly sincere and carefree” he continued with that soft voice, sighing quietly.

Time was passing by and both Hinami and Ken could not complain, at least for that moment. The king had agreed for that single condition, however, the said word couldn’t be undone in any way. Ken’s duty was to marry little princess from South when she became an adult which meant about year and half of living together as betrothed couple. That idea was actually suggested by Hide and the prince had no words to show his gratefulness towards him. It was simple and yet a brilliant thing, to delay unwanted marriage by both silly and mature justification. His fiancée, when introduced to the plan, seemed quite content. Maybe it was because of her age but Ken suspected she felt relieved in that moment, just as if an approaching nightmare had been successfully put off.  
  
“That is nasty of you, my dear” Shuu commented, trying not to smile. “I don’t think I have known you from this side, though I think I like it”  
  
The prince tilted his head to omit meeting his knight’s eyesight. It wasn’t like he was afraid of him or whatsoever, it was more like this shy-like feeling which occurs when someone important to you compliments you and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Then, at least, he had a book as an excuse. It didn’t work too well, though.  
  
“Ken, why are you hiding from my eyes?”  
  
“What are you talking about?” calm voice, head lifted up. “I’m not avoiding you”  
  
“If you say so…” Tsukiyama said carefree while standing up from the bed and approaching his master. “I don’t know if it’s me or not, but I feel as you were strange lately. Has something happened?”  
  
A heavy ball of weird feelings appeared in his chest as Shuu was coming closer. It was not like something in particular had happened. It was rather a bunch of different factors, with his first knight on the top, that didn’t let him feel at ease. In fact, that was no one’s fault. Ken was just growing up and dealing with some emotions and changes were simply difficult to him. Saying those thoughts out loud counted as “problematic” as well.  
  
“It’s nothing, I’m just not over this whole marriage yet” a sorry smile appeared on his face and hand rested on his chin out of habit. “No need to worry”  
  
The first knight looked concerned, his violet eyes regarding him carefully for a while.  
  
“If you had any problem, you know I’m here for you, right?”  
  
“Of course!” the prince answered sincerely, smiling a little bit more happily. He was perfectly aware he could turn to Shuu whenever he struggled with obstacles of any kind but it was not an easy task when Tsukiyama was an issue himself. To make the matter worse, it wasn’t his fault at all.  
  
It was just Ken who had no clue how to deal with maturating.

* * *

 

A long shadow covered tiny flowers and rubbles. The sun was slowly setting down, making the creature realize for how long it was wandering. A whole day without a single rest. Nothing new, a careful observer could say.  
It had already spent so many days walking without any stops, after all. Nothing mattered in its existence anymore.  
It could only move forward and try to not think about the past.

* * *

 

It could be a very nice day to the prince.  
  
He had woken up quite early, only to spot a breathtaking sunrise while leaving his bedroom. Everything and everyone seemed asleep and Ken had an impression he was the only living creature in the whole world. It was both fearsome and weirdly calming. He suddenly felt so small, unimportant and ugly, comparing to the colorful sky above him. It seemed endless and infinite, making him realize his own mortality. The prince could not say it was a bad feeling, though. He would rather describe it as a gently touch from nature itself, a friendly reminder that he _is alive_.  
  
Later that day he was chatting with Nagachika, now a full knight, in their mutual recesses. Even though he was a prince, Ken had many specific classes  till late evening and the fact his so called “leisure time” coincided with Hide’s break from trainings could be considered a miracle. Neither of them could complain because it seemed as the only possible way of meeting each other since, after all, they were not little kids anymore. Both of them aged, became more mature and that resulted in more responsibilities as well. Of course they would love to sneak out of a castle, to run throw fields and to play hide and seek in the forest. To swim naked in a river. To freely joke about nobles. _Just to be and cherish their youth._  
  
Unfortunately, there was no time for that, it was only a wishful thinking of two adolescents. At least they could meet and talk from time to time, it was enough for them to maintain their friendship, even though sometimes it seemed to mean no more than nothing.  
  
As the prince was talking with knight in the garden, his cheerful fiancée shyly stacked her head from the shadow of a massive colonnade. Even though Hinami had been already introduced to Nagachika, she remained distant and silent when he was around.  
  
“Your Majesty” the knight bowed, letting a friendly smile appear on his face.  
  
“H-Hello” the girl answered shyly, still not being used to be called such a way. “Would you mind if I borrowed my fiancé?” she asked half jokingly, seeing how affectionate he was towards Ken.  
  
There was nothing weird in such behavior since Hide was clingy towards the prince since the very first days of their friendship. It was not so obvious at the beginning, of course, but the more time had passed, the more open and emotional he had become. In that exact moment he was hugging the successor of the throne as if he was his favorite plush toy. Ken had complained not even once.  
  
“I am sorry, Your Majesty” he bowed again and then looked at the prince with a bright smile. “Sometimes I forget you are engaged. Well, I will be going. See you soon, Master”  
  
“Hide, what I have told you about-“ he even couldn’t finish a sentence because the knight had already headed to the castle. The long sigh escaped his mouth. “What’s the matter, Hinami?”  
  
Her big brown eyes looked at him with a hint of curiosity and something what Ken couldn’t name.  
  
“Sir Renji is looking for you” she spoke after a while, looking down at her feet. “He looked quite serious”  
  
Confused look, throat dry. Sir Renji rarely searched for him but when he did, it usually spelled a disaster. Smaller or bigger but a disaster. Last time this man was looking for him it was to announce the changes in his schedule which, speaking the truth, weren’t encouraging nor optimistic.  
  
Almost eighteen-year old Ken headed back to the chill interior built from stone.  
  
It could be a very nice day to the prince, indeed, if not the death of the king.

 

“Please, calm down a bit” he repeated like a mantra, trying to hold his master. “Please…”  
  
“I won’t calm down!” his voice so harsh and tired that Ken couldn’t even recognized it as his own. It was too much for him to handle, definitely too much.  
  
How on Earth he was supposed to calm down when the only one he had left just died? It was ridiculous to him that his own father, the great king and a fair ruler, just simply kicked the bucket. That sounded like an absurd, like a grotesque nightmare he wanted to wake up from.  
He had been crying for so long already but tears couldn’t stop coming from his eyes, maybe he was holding them back for too long during the day? After all, it was inappropriate to even shed a single tear over his father’s body but now, being crawled up in his own bed with Shuu by his side, there was no need to hide any emotions. Anger, sadness, emptiness and grief – all of them were allowed to be exposed.  
  
“My prince…” he said quietly, gently stroking that messy hair of his. It looked like nothing special but actually had a weirdly calming effect on him, as if those warm hands could magically ease the pain.  
  
The first knight changed his position from sitting to laying one, so just he could effectively hug his prince from the behind. Ken felt so small compared to him, so fragile and incompetent. Shuu was gentle, caring and patient with him while he couldn’t even bring myself to stop crying like a small little kid, despite being almost eighteen. His heart was already shattered by grief and emptiness and there was no need to add more elements but his own brain made him feel pathetic either way. The prince felt like nothing, like a small pile of bothersome mess.  
  
“Do you remember when we used to lay in one bed like that and read stories about legendary heroes?” Shuu asked gently, caressing Ken’s back who nodded. “Those were good times, don’t you think?”  
  
He silently nodded again. He didn’t feel like talking at all as even breathing seemed troublesome.  
  
“Good times when there was no need to worry about future, when we could be truly sincere and carefree” he continued with that soft voice, sighing quietly. Ken had an impression his knight tried his best to restrain himself from crying, to put his own grief aside and just comfort the sad royal boy.  
  
This realization hit him like a tons of bricks, stopping him from sobbing for a second. Of course he was not the only one who had gotten affected by the king’s death. He was aware of it and even despite that, that sudden thought made his broken heart hurt even more. How selfish of him was it, to be such a self-centered whiner? Other people, Shuu for example, tried to handle that or get over this loss while he begged for comfort from others with each single cell of his body.  
  
All of sudden, Ken found himself even more pathetic than before.  
To make that even worse, another thing hit him. He could not agree with his first knight because there was _this thing_. That one little thing which had been empoisoning his mind for a long time but which he could not get rid of.  
How he could look Tsukiyama in the eyes when the burden of that one event was still hidden? Ken felt he definitely was beneath Shuu, beneath all this kindness and warmth he had been receiving from him. Even though it was such a silly thing, he felt more guilty than the worst felon and he couldn’t exactly tell why. It was literally eating him from the inside, pieces by pieces.  
  
“Not really” he mumbled, fighting with his own irrational fear.  
  
“What do you mean, my prince?” voice gentle with a tinge of marvel.  
  
“Well… “ he took a deep breath and turned around to look at Shuu’s face, now so unimaginably close to his own. “It’s so stupid but I feel if I don’t get it out off my chest, I won’t be able to call myself frank anymore”  
  
“What’s the matter, then?” the usual smile of ‘prince charming’ appeared on his face, making everything even more difficult for Ken.  
  
“I... I kissed Hide”  
  
“Oh” well, that was not what he had expected from his first knight but also it was a perfect reaction. His usually calm-self assumed a confused expression, making him look disgusted, amused and concerned at the same time.  
  
“I have told you it’s a silly thing but…” those dark eyes of his wandering, voice a bit shaking, “…but I feel it needed to be said.”  
  
“Oh” Shuu repeated himself, making the whole situation even more awkward in Ken’s opinion.  
  
Because how it could be described otherworldly since he just lost his father and felt an intense sorrow but now he confessed to his first knight he kissed a friend? It was simply ridiculous and Ken regreted starting this topic.  
  
The uncomfortable silence seemed endless but a quiet laugh shattered it.  
  
“Why are you laughing at me?” the prince asked half accusingly, feeling an embarrassment becoming bigger and bigger inside of him.  
  
“I’m sorry, my prince, but it is just…” Shuu chuckled, closing his eyes for a moment. “I honestly don’t know what to say. I don’t see a point in you feeling guilty because of such a silly thing, as you called it yourself”  
  
Unfortunately for Ken, he got a point there.  
  
“I have no clue what was your aim by saying it, really” a small smile appearing on his face, violet eyes looking at embarrassed prince with a tinge of mischievousness. “But if it has been eating you from the inside then I don’t question it”  
  
His smile became even brighter and warmer than before, making Ken feel that weird cluster in his chest again.  
  
“I’m not sure if this would cheer you up or not but it’s quite common on the West to kiss your friends, so please, don’t be bothered by that event, mon petit prince” he added after a while, stroking dark hair of his.  
  
“Really? How do you know?” Ken asked shyly, looking at his first knight with a little bit of suspiciousness.  
  
“I’ve been here and there since my family is widely dotted around the world” , he winked at him knowingly, making the prince aware how little did he know about his own knight.  
  
Of course he had been travelling a lot before, educating himself and maintaining the contact with his far relatives. It was obvious he knew more about the world and was experienced in much more fields than Ken probably would ever be.  
  
“Is that so…” an unplanned sigh escaped his mouth, making him sound somehow disappointed.  
  
“Yes, I could kiss you as well and it won’t be that weird, really” Shuu smiled, what made Ken’s heart rate a bit higher.  
  
“So why wouldn’t you-“ the sound of knocking cut in on their conversation, breaking the silence of night in his bedroom.  
  
After coughing knowingly, Shuu quickly stood up and headed to the door. Meanwhile, Ken stayed in bed trying to figure out what he had just been about to say and settle down his rattling heart.  
  
The one who knocked was sir Renji with the unknown royal official alongside.  
  
Even though it was late, they needed to talk with prince about pressing issues such as his father’s funeral, coronation and wedding. The quicker they started, the quicker all procedures would be done and, speaking the truth, there was quite a lot of them.  
  
Ken sighed lingeringly, rubbing sleepy eyes of his. It felt like a beginning of a very long and problematic trail which led in an unknown direction and prince was not quite sure if he was ready to go that path.


End file.
